Like most of you, I am just now emerging from the shock of the attack on the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, the attack on America. This is definitely the most difficult column that I have to write. I am grieving for the lives lost, for the loved ones and friends that many of you have lost, for the heroes that we all have lost.

It always takes tragedy for all of us to come together. In tragedy, we are all family. Tragedy doesn't know your race, religion, or your gender identity or sexual orientation. Tragedy only knows your humanity. And just for a moment, just for that one tragic instant, forever frozen in time and emblazoned on our minds, we are all sisters and brothers.

We are all just emerging from the shock. Many of us cannot even talk about it, although it is hard to think of anything else...

It was a hideous hatred that led to those events. But hatred breeds hatred. And violence breeds violence. I want justice just as much as the next person, but not vengeance. Because, who knows where will it all end?

We saw what happened in the last World War. We saw gays and lesbians led to slaughter alongside the Jews in Nazi Germany. And now we see Falwell and Robertson trying to point the finger at us again. We all know about scapegoating. The last recourse of the powerless is to blame someone even more powerless.

Maybe Falwell and Robertson missed the little news item, buried somewhere in the mountain of newspaper rubble that covers my living room floor, that there were gay, lesbian and even transgender heroes out there, along with all our other sisters and brothers, who gave their lives that day. Maybe they missed it because the newspapers didn't run that story. Maybe they didn't read the story in Planet Out about Mark Bingham, who gave his life on Flight 93 with the others who fought the hijackers and averted further disaster.

We all felt the same shock, we all experienced the same loss, and we all feel the same sorrow. That is what unites us. It is a time that we need to stand united against evil. You don't lash out against those who are standing with you in unity. When will they ever learn? Tragedy unites, but vengeance and scapegoating divides. And divided, we will all fall.

There have been some amazing shows of unity and support from our leaders. Mayor Giuliani with the rescue workers at ground zero, President Bush visiting the Islamic Center in Washington, Mayor Daley speaking out about punishing hate crimes against Muslims. Let's hope that those in power will continue to embrace all Americans, whether they are Muslim or Christian, or even gay, lesbian or transgender.

Because if we don't stand together, I am afraid I do know where it will all end... with the loss of the liberties that we have fought so long to obtain, or the denial of the freedoms that we are at the brink of achieving. And that would be the real American tragedy.

Miranda Stevens-Miller can be reached at MirandaSt1@aol.com