So, here we are again, at the dawn of a New Millenium. Those thousand years just seemed to fly by. Seems like only yesterday we were celebrating the dawn of the Third Millenium, way back in the year 2000, and here it is… January 3000 already. My, my, my! Well… everyone likes to look back to see how far we've come in a thousand years. So let's do that, shall we?

I guess it started with the great population crisis of the 21st Century, with the Earth's population doubling every 5 years. That was when the United Federation of Earth was formed to do something about the overabundance of humanity before we all ate ourselves out of house and home. The solution, of course, was to outlaw those yucky mixed-sex marriages.

The straight marriage ban meant that there could be no marriages at all. Remember, back then the world was still in the dark ages. As unbelievable as it seems today, same-sex marriages were not allowed. So, how did the world finally come to its senses? It was largely a result of the great revolt of the Wedding Workers of the World in coalition with the United World Churches. All those people left unemployed by the collapse of the marriage industry!

And then, one of unemployed clergymen found a long lost translation of the Holy Bible, which proved that all unions between two people who loved one another were truly blessed. You all know this translation of the Bible as the King Dell version, which we use today. Same-sex marriages were finally universally acknowledged and celebrated.

But the shortages of food due to population pressures continued well into the 23rd Century. There was so much societal pressure against heterosexuals that they were forced into hiding. By this time they were a minority of the population. They suffered hideous indignities. Although they were reluctantly allowed to remain employed, they found that they could not reveal anything about their partners. The men (called "husbands") were not allowed to put pictures of their partners (called "wives") on their desks. At company picnics, they were not invited to bring their opposite-sex partner. Of course, there were no spousal benefits, not even bereavement leave. Holding hands and other public displays of affection between heterosexuals were illegal. And, of course, the male partner of a mixed-sex marriage could not adopt the child of his "wife."

Somewhere along the line, I think it was in the 24th Century, the DSM-XXVII started listing "heterosexuality" as "heterosexual identity disorder." Some unscrupulous psychiatrists were even getting rich doing reparative therapy on closet heterosexuals. In the end, we realized that this could never work. Once a heterosexual, always a heterosexual. That was just about 30 years ago, when the psychiatrists decided to remove 'heterosexual identity disorder" from the DSM-XLVI.

One of the strangest occurrences happened toward the end of the 25th Century… the clothing of men and women became indistinguishable. Everyone wore what he or she liked, as an outward expression of their humanity to the world. It was a very colorful world. But the cross-dressers and drag queens, which had been so popular during the first half of the millenium, vanished entirely from the face of the earth. With nothing left to emulate, seems like they just lost interest.

Photo by Israel Wright, Copyright 2000, Lambda Publications, Chicago

Of course, the transsexuals absolutely thrived during the 3rd Millenium. The popular pressure to refrain from heterosexual relationships especially mandated this. If one was attracted toward women, then one had to physically be a woman, and vice versa. Sex change clinics were on every street corner. The operations became so simple, and yet so effective, that even a 1st year medical student could master the technique.

Last year, in 2999, some tiny state in the northeast portion of the Western Continent, declared that heterosexual couples are entitled to the same benefits that we acquired through marriage. This stirred up a great controversy in the media. One of the candidates for Imperial Ruler even commented on it, saying that this is "a deeply disturbing decision."

At the dawn of the 4th Millenium, I am asking you to put aside your moral outrage and indignation at the heterosexual rights movement for a moment. I am asking you to forget those traditional family values. Just because heterosexuals engage in what we see as distasteful doesn't mean we should punish them or their (gag!) offspring. Please, try to accept that heterosexuals are people too. Some of them anyway.

Miranda Stevens-Miller can be reached back in the 21st Century at MirandaSt1@aol.com

Miranda Stevens-Miller
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